I turned 29 over the weekend, and it was probably the most over hyped weekend I‘ve had in a while. I spent most of it trying to convince myself that I was happy and grateful. I thought this weekend was going to be great. I mean I had quit my job and this was going to be celebratory birthday right?! It was anything but.. let me rewind.
I quit my job because it was overwhelmingly crushing, and swallowing my sole. I hated it so much it was driving me into a deep depression, and an annoying anxiety issue. I say annoying because most mental illnesses are annoying because mostly no one cares, and they just expect you to get over it.
Because when I looked around me and moving up the ladder only included doing the same thing in a bigger office with a bigger paycheck. It involved acquiring more responsibility for more people who would undoubtedly be just like me (LOATHED the job) It was awful. I didn’t want to be manager or a trainer or any of other form of this job at this place. All I really wanted to do was make more money just to spend more money when I wasn’t there. That feels kind of crazy right?
Feels kind of ridiculous to me. I spent 40 hours of my life every week there in their cube and I could feel my mental stability imploding upon itself. It was tragic. My closest friends were wildly supportive. My Dad I still haven’t told, Mom knows though. Either way I’m here and at the end of it all. I’m here at the end of all, and I realized I was expecting people in some way to promote for me, root for me on the sidelines or something like they were my personal cheerleaders, but at the end of the day, that’s not why I did it. I didn’t do it to “win the game” I did it so that I could spend the time that I have in MY life doing the things that I WANT with my talents. That’s why I did it.
I want to be in the field of Fashion. I loved designing, was mildly obsessed with it when I was younger, but it seemed way outside of my comfort zone like who was I to think I could be on TV with Tim Gunn?
I want to be a Fashion Intern in Paris, so I’m going to shoot for that too.
Last but not least I wanted to go to school for degrees (3) not for a job, not to gain a degree to get a job, but because honestly was obsessed with school. I loved learning about history. It was a favorite, along with psychology. A broadcasting degree was what I started with because I was good at producing in high school. I didn’t have a clear understanding of what I wanted to do with that degree but work at the news station. That wasn’t exciting so I fell out of it. Fell out of school I meant, became enamored with the things of the world.
Now I’m focused on putting my energy into the talents I already have and helping people get to where I am.
Real quick after that book, I could not get enough of these pants. They are 150% those pants that you love, but immediately question the need for them in your closet and put them back. I’m not going to convince you these are a requirement in your closet because you don’t need them, but they would 150% make your closet more interesting and honestly who doesn’t need more of that