Being plus size and wearing pastels... daunting? I didn't think so but let's talk. At the risk of sounding ridiculously vain,I'm just gonna keep it funky with you guys and be transparent. I picked this outfit out at least a month ago. I picked it out to go on a date but that date never happened. I love the look though, so I thought I'm gonna shoot it because it's spring time, it's sorbet colors it's just overall really cute. Now I've never actually put this outfit on. I created it in my mind, folded it up and put it in a secret corner of my closet. So when I put it on the day we shot I was a bit self conscious because it was so tight, and I had not worn bodycon stuff in a while. I put on my Spanx and my high heels and BAM instantly I was like OK yeah I'm fine again.
OK fast forward 2 days. The pictures come in, immediately I think wow these look great, but then I look at my stomach, & my face think to myself like wow I really am round Iike actually round, like plump, like Pillsbury dough boy round.
If you've been reading my posts you know when I first saw 200 pounds on the scale and so it's not like I didn't know I gained weight. I did know. Because a year maybe two years ago I was like 170. I wanted to get down to 150 but I was miserable, depressed, lonely, you know that sad story. So I gained 30 pounds apparently.
Me being fat wasn't a surprise to me I guess it was just me seeing me fat. So this is the part where he audience goes "Don't you look in the mirror Christena? I know you look in the mirror I see you on snapchat." You are absolutely right I have 1 million Snapchat pictures of myself and there are three full length mirrors at my job and yet and still these pictures had this profound affect on me. Lately I've been walking around with the highest level of self-esteem that I have had in maybe 3 to 4 years. So when I saw how round I've gotten in these pictures I almost no not almost I definitely said Oh wow and you thought you were fine Christena. The other side of my brain countered and they were like You is fine though. At that point I realized that when it came to myself I was convinced that I could not be fat and fine. Which is obviously problematic and I think this is where I stopped because frankly I don't want to be 200+. I would rather be somewhere between 160 and 170. However, me wanting to get to a certain weight does not cancel out the way I feel about myself NOW.
Being that this is about the seemingly conflicting notion of plus size people and pastel fashion, figured its the perfect time to share with you all my "conflicting" realizations as a fat girl, so if you have anything to say sound off in the comments and thank you for reading my rambling I love you all and I love everyone who supports me. I love me and I hope that you love you.
I'm collabing with other fabulous bloggers to show how we rock pastel while being plus size, Check them out below and some pastel pieces after their pictures.
LaToya Wright FatgirlofFashion
Ashley Wall MySimplyCurvyLife
Sierra Holmes EclecticKurves
Faith LaShai FaithfullyYours
Chasi Jernigan SweatinMascara